Thoughts on being happy.

There isn’t a list of rules on ‘how to be happy’, and two different people may not necessarily be happy in the same situation. There’s no real definition of what happiness is or what it feels like – apart from the state of being happy, obviously – and that’s because it’s down to the individual alone to decide whether they are truly happy and what can be done to solve it if they aren’t.

Life isn’t always fair, and everyone goes through times in their life when bad things happen. Be it a death of a loved one, an end to a relationship or friendship, or bad results in a test or exam: disappointment and sadness are natural emotions for us to feel through periods of time in our life. These are inevitable, and for the most part unavoidable, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We need to allow ourselves time to feel down or unhappy, so that we know who’s there for us when we need them, and to notice our happy moments when they do come around.

However I have found that there are things that we can do in order to help ourselves be more happy and positive, and a lot of the time I have found that it’s other people’s negativity that stops me from being completely content. Whether it’s a snide comment on how I look or an opinion I express, or a relationship or friendship going wrong and ending up toxic, the people surrounding us have a lot to do with our mindset. Is this okay or right? No not at all. Should their opinions matter? No not at all. Yet we still let others thoughts on us affect how we think and feel about ourselves.

One thing I have learnt recently is that how people treat you isn’t your decision, but the people you surround yourself with is. Surround yourself with people who are beautiful on the inside rather than basing it around the misconception of what ‘beautiful’ looks like aesthetically. Surround yourself with the people who make you happy, and who respect you, and not those who you have to impress or act differently around. Everyone deserves the chance to be happy, confident and to be surrounded by people who love them for them.

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon

Thoughts on mental health.

Some people might think of mental health as a ‘taboo subject’, and after spending a week on my work placement at Mind I am finding it even more difficult to understand why. Last week at my sixth form, year twelve had to find a work placement that corresponded with something that you are interested in going into in the future. Being interested in mental health and what kind of jobs were involved in the mental health sector, I managed to get a work placement at Mind which is a mental health charity, who aim to provide advice and support to help anyone going through mental health problems.

The fact that some people don’t like talking about mental health worries me more than anything, because everyone has mental health. Mental health is a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being, and whether you feel that you are perfectly fine, or if you are depressed or stressed or anxious, we all have mental health.

I spent a lot of my time with people with mental health problems while at Mind, and these ranged from depression, to self-harm, anxiety, OCD, Asperger syndrome etc. After getting over my nerves on the first morning – which was honestly more to do with meeting new people than anything else – I settled in and found that people with mental health problems are no different to anyone else that I’ve met, they just need a helping hand in certain aspects of life. One word I would use to describe the people I met in my week would be brave. They are so brave and strong, for being able to speak up about their problems, for accepting that they need help, for getting through every day life while going through unimaginable issues, and for fighting to get through their problems. I honestly admire every single one of the people that I met, not for what they are going through, but how they have dealt – or are dealing with – their mental health problems.

I for one feel as though people should be less afraid to speak up about mental health and any problems they might be facing in life. Simply knowing that you’re not alone and that you have someone to talk to can make such a difference on how you look at a situation and how you deal with it. One in four people will go through mental health problems at some point in their life, and some might not even recognise it due to them not being familiar with the symptoms or the help that they can get. Mind is only one charity out of many that helps people with mental health problems; there are various charities all over the world that aim to help people with mental health issues.

Mental health shouldn’t be something we don’t talk about, mental health problems shouldn’t be frowned upon, and the people suffering shouldn’t be over-looked or cast to the side. We are all equal, and we will all go through – or know someone who will go through – mental health problems at some point. We might just not be aware of it. 

Thoughts on what Girl Guiding has done for me.

Thousands of girls all over the world attend groups such as Brownies, Rainbows or Guides. Thousands more are involved in volunteering for these groups so that young girls can grow into amazing young adults and be equipped with the social skills they need to go far in life. I’ve been lucky enough to be involved with Girl Guiding for the past 10 years, and so I thought I would share my experience.

At the age of seven I was lucky enough to find out about the local Brownie group in my area, and along with my friends, I went along and fell completely in love with it. Being a very shy child from a young age made it quite difficult for me to make friends outside of school. Although recognising this, my parents sent me to a lot of extra curriculum activities in order for me to get over this shyness – which in the long run really has helped me!

Due to the group being all girls and due to the friendliness and dedication of the leaders, I quickly became comfortable and a lot more outgoing when I was at Brownies, which in turn helped me to be more outgoing outside of the club as well. Wednesday evenings became my favourite evenings, because for an hour and a half I got to be myself with my best friends and do crazy, fun activities. Once I became too old for Brownies, a few friends and I moved to up to Guides, however I didn’t feel as comfortable and decided that it just wasn’t for me. Instead, I decided to get into the Young Leader side of things.

Due to my mum being an ‘owl’ at my old Brownie group I was lucky enough to go back to Brownies and help out the younger children as and when I pleased. My confidence grew even more as the children were more dependent on me, and I had a lot more responsibility to look after them and help the sessions run smoothly. After doing this for a number of years we heard news of a new Rainbow group starting up in the village, and I immediately volunteered as I felt it was important I got some experience without my mum or family friends being next to me.

Deciding to volunteer at Rainbows is literally one of the best decisions I have made. Having the responsibility to teach and help these young girls grow into the amazing, beautiful women they are capable of becoming is so rewarding and it is honestly a privilege to even be a small part of their childhood. Seeing their faces light up when we teach them a new game, or seeing them go slightly wild when they’re with their friends, or hearing them chatter about their day at school or what they did at the weekend, is a heart warming experience to be a part of.  

Girl Guiding has done so much for me in the 10 years I have been a part of it. It has helped me grow into the confident young woman I am becoming today, and it has taught me to never be ashamed of the person I am and to always stick up for what I believe in. The social skills I learned are invaluable, and the friends and memories I made will always stay with me. For the past 10 years Girl Guiding has been a constant in my life, and I really feel like it won’t end here. Overall this is just a massive thank you to everyone who has been a part of my Girl Guiding experience because without them I honestly don’t think I would be the person I am today.

Thoughts on other people’s opinions.

Everyone has an opinion on something, whether it is there preference on who runs the country, or his or her’s opinion on an outfit you choose to wear. Of course everyone’s opinion is valid and everyone is free to think whatever they want to. But it’s come to a time in my life when I need to think about whose opinions really matters to me? Just to be clear I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to voice their own opinions because everyone should have freedom of speech, but it’s up to each individual as to who’s opinions they respect or take on board. I think in today’s society we tend to care too much about what other people think rather than just thinking about our own happiness – I know I am definitely guilty of this. To an extent I think that we should take other people’s opinions on board, not to change our own opinions but just to get a more rounded view on a subject and to make a more informed decision in some cases. I’m looking at university choices at the moment as it is coming up to the time in my life when I move away and begin to start my own life, and the courses I am looking at aren’t necessarily the vocational degrees which I have previously looked at. When asking for people’s opinions I haven’t necessarily agreed with the replies they’ve given to me and I have taken a couple very personally. However I’ve realised that most of the time these aren’t personal attacks on me and that they are just opinions, and these opinions will help me make sure the decision I make is what makes me happy. Everyone’s opinions are valid, but at the end of the day it is down to you personally to decide what to do in whatever situation you find yourself in. Whether your decision is right or wrong in the eyes of someone else shouldn’t matter if the decision you make is something that you are happy with and feel the most comfortable with. We shouldn’t get pressured into doing things just to make other people happy because it is the ‘social norm’, not one person’s life is the same as another persons, and if we all did the same things and thought in the same way the world would be a very boring place to live. 

Thoughts on travelling.

Yesterday I went to my first UCAS convention to try and broaden my options and see what is really out there for my future. As we were walking through what seemed like thousands of stalls offering free bracelets, pens, chocolates and most importantly prospectus’, we came across one offering gap years and different experiences for people who don’t want to go straight from sixth form to university, or who are unsure of which path to take in the future. Seeing these different options made me see a whole new perspective of what my life and future could look like. Right now I’m scared that once I have gone to university and got my degree, and once I’ve got a job and a place to live, I wont have enough confidence, money or time to travel the world and see new cultures or have new experiences. If I don’t travel in the near future, will I ever get a proper chance to do it again?

Thoughts on universities and the future.

As a seventeen-year-old girl who has just finished her first year of sixth form, I am beginning to seriously look into what the future might hold for me. Do I want to go to university? If so, which university? Which course? What careers could that lead to in the future? If I’m not going to university, what other options are there? OVERWHELMING. But my point is – and I feel like I’m not alone when I say this – I’m only seventeen years old, and I do not feel qualified to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I know this is something that almost everyone has to go through and I’m not blaming anyone when I point out the difficulties we’re most likely all facing, but the unprepared-ness I feel inside does not lessen each time a new prospectus comes along, or another open day is booked. In fact the anxiety becomes more intense, because I know there is another potential future and the decision becomes increasingly harder to make. The question, which I’m facing at this particular moment, is do I follow my head or my heart? The sensible option would be to get a degree in something leading towards specific jobs that will still be around in four years time. The more impractical (yet seemingly more interesting) would be to do a degree in something that I would love to do, and yet it does not end with a specific, nor definite, job in the future. Do I have three years of fun and enjoy university to the maximum, or do I still enjoy university although not as much, knowing that I will almost definitely have a job at the end of it?

However, by complaining about all these ‘troubles’, I don’t want to come across as ungrateful to the help that I have received. My parents have been a great help in letting me talk through the pros and cons of my different courses and universities, and have not put any pressure on making me choose the more sensible option – and I wouldn’t have blamed them if they had! I’m also very grateful for the opportunity to go on to further education, because I know that a lot of people – especially women – don’t have the opportunities which I do which is why I am taking it so seriously and with such care. I guess the future is just a very scary thing for me – especially when it is as uncertain as mine is right now.

Thoughts on #YesAllWomen.

Admittedly, for my first ever post this is quite a brave topic to be tackling, however it is one close to my heart and one which has been spoken about a lot recently in the media. First of all I would just like to say that I am in no way a doctor, or a trained professional of any kind – I am simply a seventeen-year-old girl with some thoughts. If you have twitter or facebook you will – more than likely - have seen the ‘#YesAllWomen’ hash tag trending. If you are not familiar with this, it is basically millions of women and men tweeting about the harsh realities of being a woman in this society, and these tweets range from ‘#YesAllWomen because society would rather tell women to show less skin than tell men to show more respect.’ to personal stories from women who have experienced sexual harassment first hand and who are brave enough to share their stories. However small the stories or statements, they all add up to a much bigger, and clearer picture of what society is really like for women all over the world.

Despite these stories, there have still been criticisms of this movement – some understandable and some not so understandable.

A picture has been taken in Sheffield of a woman completely topless with ‘still not asking for it’ written across her body, as a way of expressing the fact that some men’s excuse for rape and sexual abuse is that the woman was simply ‘asking for it’ by the way she acted, or the way she was dressed, and the woman pictured is simply showing that there is no excuse for rape. Despite this being a small minority of men who do say this, and despite not all men being violent and abusive – some men are violent, and do blame the victim for their crime. Criticisms of this picture and the movement as a whole have been saying that the desires men have are natural and that “there is nothing we can do about them”, and the way to combat this is to “cover up and have modesty to protect yourself from lustful gazes”. I, personally disagree with this statement completely. Naturally, people do have desires towards others, however they should be able to control themselves until the situation is completely consented and comfortable, and everyone should be able to wear whatever they choose without living in fear of someone else’s actions or comments – after all we live in a free world whereby under the law we can say, believe and dress however we feel comfortable. Although despite there being laws allowing this, many women and men feel as though they can’t express themselves because of the threat of what could happen to them. Despite this woman’s message being directed to a minority of people who claim that rape is the woman’s fault, the message is still relevant to the argument that women are still treated differently to men, and that we can’t live in a world of complete equality if we are still blaming the victim. We as a society should be able to know the difference between consent, and not saying ‘no’, basically anything other than ‘yes’ in an unpressurised situation is not consent, and we should be able to have enough respect for ourselves and the other person to not go through with any unwanted actions, despite these ‘natural desires’.